Viscous Lidocaine

take that, hallmark!

I am sitting across from the moth, asking her what she wants to eat for dessert for mother's day.  because i am a foodie, i am imagining labourious entrees, appetizers, salads and dessert, so we start with dessert.   
She says, after some consideration: "good vanilla ice cream and blueberries."
ok. fine, simple, i can appreciate this.  Maybe a sprig of mint with it, i'm thinking....
then i say, "what do you want to eat before that?  Like, if you want Skyline Chili, I'll make it happen."
Again, she deliberates.
"You know what i really want?"
? Chicken Fricot, maybe, i think, or another t-bone (i slam-dunked the t-bone last night.) 
"No, what?"
"I really like wendy's bacon cheeseburgers." 

newspeak again

the newspeak feature on msnbc.com is fixated again on "dropping dress sizes".  this week, they're featuring a new book to help people lose weight, which is never easy.  i realize that america has a growing (oh no) problem with overweightness/obesity, but seriously, can a book with flavourful recipes change that? 

is the obsession with weight borne from an obsession with skinny?   around christmas, there was an article (blogged about somewhere in my archives) about how women--women--should watch what they consume around the holidays.  you know, a cookie here and there could add a whole pound. 

i haven't looked into it, but it seems like this issue isn't plaguing other countries.  we are consumer based and we *love* it.  from our faux non-fat lattes (with sugar??) to drive-thru (pardon the misspell) must-haves, a culture on the run does a lot less running than it could. 

women over size ten are considered "zaftig" or "voluptuous" and have to be pointed out as "really beautiful as well"  my god i'm using a lot of quotes.  gap doesn't stock anything over size 12 for women, for instance.  is there a fat-gap somewhere? 

body dysmorphia is a serious illness, one that gets over looked nearly consistently.  propagating "you can be thin too!" is just that, propaganda.  acceptance of ones own figure, healthy to a point, is paramount in a society where women's advertising constantly reminds women that they are not thin enough, bony enough, scrawny enough, etc.  or that they don't work hard enough at being parents, housekeepers or what-not. 

by the same token, obesity is not a joke.  the scourge of morbidly overweight is detrimental, but there is something that nags at me about this, and it has to do with society.  men, for instance, can look distinguished nearly no matter what size they are.  women, not so much.  women hide in sweats and baggy clothes, even when their bodies scream to be looked-at.  i recently ran across a report in which someone kept a log of people who lost extreme amounts of weight (from obese to "normal")  of some 70-odd people, a very small percentage kept the weight off.  why? 

i could wax on about the fact that we are stuffing our poor with crap food, the only available to them in grocery stores that value produce over cheerios.  the health food guide, for instance, allows ketchup, i'm not kidding, as a fruit.  not that americans live by the health food guide, but ketchup?  isn't that like 90% sugar?  and not the fruit kind of sugar? 

to maintain a healthy diet is a chore.  but a rewarding one, i'd say, despite the expense.   exercise, pah.  i walk five miles with my dog on a mostly regular basis and don't notice the difference.  but food, food i can get into.  and believe me, i have at times gotten farrr to into it.   i don't believe in diets, as a rule.  i believe in healthy, and i'm trying to believe i'm good enough, but good enough doesn't cut it when a 2 is standard for women, and just showing up is enough for men.

Standing by...

So.   Before you tell me what an Evil Corporation you believe starbucks is, consider some things written recently in Reasononline. 

The Fair Trade label was born in the Netherlands in 1989 under the brand name Max Havelaar, taken from the title of a 19th-century novel about oppressed Javanese coffee plantation workers. When the company came to the U.S. a decade later, the American branch billed itself TransFair USA. TransFair’s stated goal is simple: to ensure that farmers get a decent price for their beans, and to let consumers know it. By cutting out predatory middlemen and selling a clear conscience at a premium, coffee idealists hoped to achieve humanitarian goals by capitalist means.
...
The Fair Trade apparatus is intended to mitigate a system that seemed especially cruel just as the movement was gaining steam. Until 1989 the price of coffee was relatively stable, held in place by an international agreement that imposed both import and export quotas. That year, as the Cold War ended and stability in producing countries was less of a priority in consuming ones, the pact—known as the International Coffee Agreement—dissolved completely. When supply and demand kicked in, new producers from Vietnam to Papua New Guinea were free to try their hand at the coffee game, drastically redrawing the java map. The resulting glut sent prices spiraling downward. By autumn 1992 coffee cost 50 cents a pound—a level, according to Fair Trade marketer Global Exchange, that’s comparable to prices in the 1930s.
...

Specialty coffee roasters have always paid above-average prices, but that hasn’t stopped activists from launching smear campaigns against high-end retailers who resist the Fair Trade model. In 2000, activist groups including Global Exchange launched an attack on Starbucks that has left the company stained with a reputation for mistreating farmers. Yet given its size, Starbucks likely has done far more than the Fair Trade movement to improve the lot of coffee growers in the 25 countries from which it purchases coffee. Starbucks buys 2.2 percent of the world’s coffee production, and its infamous growth fuels demand for high-priced specialty coffees. In 2004 it bought that coffee at an average price of $1.20 a pound, slightly below the $1.26 Fair Trade pays but more than twice the average price for beans on the global commodity market.

Having done the whole barista thing through university, and then again after, and then after that, and once more after that, i can attest to the company itself being decent to the people who work the crap shifts.  (4a-12p M-F the whole time i took overloads at UCLA.)  i had benefits, options, free coffee, and hell, i got a couplea aprons out of it at one point. 

I discovered very quickly how to succeed at barista-ing without really hurting anyone.  being the coffee lover that i am (i.e.  "oh, does this have an overtone of blueberry?  i love that!") i am unafraid to pull the perfect shot, steam the perfect pot of milk, even suggesting to regulars upon occasion that maybe they want an americano today, as we just started brewing a new pot.  ("Don't worry about that one, it's on me.")  In long, i love serving coffee.  i know how to do it, i'm good at it, and i never have to worry that it's going to change.  (There's a system to calling a drink, you know, and i.love.systems.)

So, i hate job hunting more than anything, and i haven't done it in forever and then some more on top of that, and i decided at 4.13 this a.m. that i would browse allllllllllll of the jobs, not just the ones i really should be looking for.  and starbucks, wouldn't you know, is hosting a job fair in my wee (not really) city this week.  Which means of course, i'll be working for starbucks by friday.   everyone in the house will hate that (but...law school?  but...public policy?  but...something that you know you can do!)  until they realize i love working for starbucks.   and also that i can afford meds.  and cigarettes.  and food.  and gas for the UAV, you see.  and the beans are free!

la vie de cafe
(also, not what i look like)
 

Has this one been thought-of yet?

What i'd like to propose is the "Totally Real Cooking Show".  It doesn't have to be me hosting, just someone who cooks for a family every day or something and what the family usually hears from the outer regions of the house being not "excellent, this souffle will be Fabulous!"  But "OH SHIT!", "GdDamnit", "Fuck. NO, Really, FUCK."  There's no chef, there's a cook, there's no set, there's a kitchen, spices are not pre-doled out into those tiny bowls.  it's just dinner.  oh.  maybe that's a better name for this.

For Example.  "Totally Real Cooking Show"  Episode 1, Season 1
Host: "Hi, i'm ___, they only give me 22 mins to explain all this crap, so we have to start now.  We're making curried chicken- i've amended the recipe so it doesn't include coconut milk because i totally forgot to pick that up at the market, so, we're going to bake it today.   I broke the other baking dish we had, so let me tell you how great these tin ones are- you can find them at the market, some where in the aisle with the stuff, y'know, where you cook. Where i forgot the coconut milk.  Right, so.  Oh? What?  Oh the coconut milk isn't always on that aisle.  Thanks, Lucy, for that little bit of info.  Maybe that's why i fucking forgot it.
    Right, with curry chicken i like to bring some veggies into the mix- what's called "aromatics".  these sort of whither when you cook them, so the water steams the hell off, and the onions and garlic and, in this case, curry and some other junk replace it. so, let's chop those up. if.we.can.find.the.fucking.knife.  Where the fuck could i have?  Did anyone deal with my shit? Oh. It's in the dish drainer. (turns, retrieves knife) OK, so, we're going to break, and when we come back, i'll show you what it looks like finished because i'm running behind.  Like always.
-
OK, hi.  so, on the website all the steps in between where we were and where we are are listed out in order, and i'm telling you, this really isn't difficult.  spices, all spiced up, mixed together, some oil on the birds, rub city, let sit for three hours (at least) and cook for an hour at 375.  Now, for side dishes, let's be honest, buckwheat by itself isn't much fun.  so i give it a twist with some crumbles of bleu cheese- in this case dutch, and some dijon mustard and a splash-seriously not a lot- of balsamic vinegar.  i don't have a finished one here for you because i didn't make it, but i mean to for dinner tonight.   Also, green beans.  I have frozen ones because i live in Toronto, and i'm telling you- the produce can be crappy.
    Now, i like a frozen vegetable that is meant to be microwaved, and if these babies aren't, i don't know what is.  you can do it either way, spread out on a plate or smished into a bowl-make sure it's microwave-proof- but use some water and these are done in like 3 fucking minutes.  it's great. 
    I use a lemon butter to sort of class-up my micro-veg.  Set a small pot over medium high heat.  i have an electric stove, so i have to guess which is best from one time to the next.  i have no idea if margarine melts like butter, because i won't use it, but just continually stir over heat butter and squeeze a half a lemon in.  oh shit, i need lemon.  (goes to fridge, gets, (cameras are in fridge)).  So, cut this lemon in half.  and when you squeeze it into your butter, which you can do all at once-- don't let it boil-- use your hand as your sieve, see, and catch those seeds.  OW FUCK, i have a gd papercut, for fuck's sake does that sting.  OK, that looks like enough lemon.  just let me stir this and wash my hand off, before it falls off.. (does this)...ok. stirring.  let's have another break and i'll show you how everything turns out. (Camera catches her relaxing her shoulders, turning around and getting a shot of CC(canadian club))
-
    hi.  i'm ______ and today's delights for my family include curried chicken, recipe online, green beans with lemon butter, and buckwheat salad, recipe also available online.  i think we'll have a pic up too, right?  (looks off camera) Yeah, we'll have pics up for those that we didn't get to make today.   in any event, Keep it Real. 

It wouldn't be scripted anyway, right? 

someone tell me if this was thought up already.  i want to know.

functional bulimia, brought to you by MSNBC

why is msnbc/newspeak promoting bulimia on their health page?

...successful dieters keep track of their weight and food intake, exercise regularly and eat breakfast every day. When you’re dieting, you should weigh yourself weeklyAn extra 150 or so calories a day, the amount in a single chocolate chip cookie, adds up to a pound of extra weight in just about three weeks. because daily fluctuations (sometimes caused by fluid retention) can be discouraging. But after reaching your goal weight, a daily weigh-in seems to work best to keep the extra pounds off. A food diary often helps pinpoint trouble spots such as that mid-morning or late afternoon snack.   (emphases mine)

while this article boasts very Big Numbers and has Quotes from M.D.s, it is a very badly written effort saying "women, tsk, those extra lbs".  Enjoying life in america is reduced to the right BMI and "not really being effected at all by Social Pressure to Be Skinny" while puking after lunch. 

here's the stunning conclusion of the MSNBC/newsweek slam:

“There’s about eight pounds between dress sizes,”... Being able to fit into a smaller size is the best holiday gift to yourself!

i will of course have already sent a totally pointless email rage, raging against the dying of the light as well as being more or less pissed off that a "please count calories and exercise more so you can be at least 8lbs thinner" article is allowed to post under "health".   the best holiday gift to myself really has SFA to do with being able to fit into a smaller size.  it has something to do with seeing my mother laugh really hard for like a solid minute at something like a dust bunny and playing scrabble with my uncle.  failing that is has to do with not repeating the same "i'm new to canada" story to the Otherh's parents while they swirl their scotches.   Nothing approaching "best" is pressure to lose weight.   

Fuck you, Newsweek with your unprofessional exclamation points.

obviously this topic is hitting too close to home.  Alas, i should resign myself to comparative politics. 

fatty livers and me

apparently people think ducks and geese have brains.
in california they've outlawed foie gras by 2012 because the idea of fattening goose livers for a delicacy item is "inhumane."  yes, ducks and geese are force fed in order to make a big fat tasty liver. 
let's review:

humane adj 1: pertaining to or concerned with the humanities; "humanistic studies"; "a humane education" 2: marked or motivated by concern with the alleviation of suffering  3: showing evidence of moral and intellectual advancement

the closest you can get to "nice to geese" is "concern with the alleviation of suffering."  but ducks/geese being force fed, see, you can't tell me that they're necessarily suffering.  they don't flap around like unfattened birds, but neither is anthropomorphizing a healthy thing to do.  birds aren't people.  plain.and.simple.  and when arnold schwarzenegger refuses to take another dime from his violent films, maybe i won't eat foie gras.  when there isn't war or Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo or Darfur to worry about, i may re-cease eating fattened goose liver.  but it is pure crap that i should give a fuck about a bird living so i can eat it when people won't treat people well.